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theonion.com

Yearly Archives: 2007, 2008

Latest news from theonion.com

  1. No One On SWAT Team Wants To Wait In Ventilation Duct With Howard

    No One On SWAT Team Wants To Wait In Ventilation Duct With Howard

    The Onion - 24 hours ago

    CHICAGO—"I got stuck on a rooftop with Howard a month ago, and with no prompting he acted out about 20 minutes of Napoleon Dynamite," said one SWAT officer.

    Tagged: friendship, news, crime, police, workplace

  2. [audio] Homicidal Surgeon General May Be Hazardous To Your Health

    The Onion - Sep 6, 2008

    Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

    Tagged: health, doctors, onion radio news

  3. Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

    Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

    The Onion - Sep 5, 2008

    DAYTON, TN—"I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits," said one Darwinic pilgrim.

    Tagged: news, religion, science and technology

  4. Gum May Aid Colon Surgery Recovery

    The Onion - Sep 5, 2008

    British researchers found that patients who chewed gum after undergoing colon surgery had bowel movements sooner than those who did not. What do...

    Tagged: health, cancer, science and technology, american voices

  5. [audio] New 'Gatorade Slow' Targets Lazy Demographic

    The Onion - Sep 5, 2008

    Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

    Tagged: products, onion radio news

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