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  1. Nation Hit Hard

    The Onion - Sep 11, 2008

    NEW YORK—Faced with several tough factors, the nation has once again been hit hard, sources reported Tuesday. "It is unclear whether the...

    Also tagged: energy, national, environment, economy, news in brief

  2. Gum May Aid Colon Surgery Recovery

    The Onion - Sep 5, 2008

    British researchers found that patients who chewed gum after undergoing colon surgery had bowel movements sooner than those who did not. What do...

    Also tagged: health, science and technology, american voices

  3. Moisturizers Cause Cancer In Mice

    The Onion - Aug 27, 2008

    Four moisturizers have been found to cause skin cancer in mice. What do you think?

    Also tagged: health, science and technology, american voices

  4. [audio] Absent-Minded Professor Says Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere'

    The Onion - Aug 23, 2008

    Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

    Also tagged: health, onion radio news, diseases

  5. Anti-Cancer Machine Invented?

    The Onion - Jan 7, 2008

    Research reports on the American Cancer Society's website suggest thata new machine, invented by a Florida man with no medical training, maybe...

    Also tagged: health, science and technology, american voices

  6. Area Mom Disappointed No One Noticed Mastectomy

    The Onion - Jan 22, 2007

    LOUISVILLE, KY—Local resident Joanne Cobb, 43, was disappointed Monday when family members failed to comment on her new mastectomy, which...

    Also tagged: local, family, news in brief