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The Onion - Sep 30, 2008
NEW ORLEANS—"Please don't run," said the hurricane, addressing residents fleeing from a press conference in the now destroyed Superdome. "I'm not here to hurt you!"
Also tagged: news, katrina, natural disasters
The Onion - Sep 26, 2008
WASHINGTON—Formed in the mid-1800s, the DOE is dedicated to securing federally protected status for vast tracts of land overseas for use as public property.
Also tagged: news, environment
The Onion - Sep 25, 2008
WASHINGTON—After spending another anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks at work, many across the country have begun to secretly hope...
Also tagged: news in brief, 9 11
The Onion - Sep 16, 2008
The new community guidelines for YouTube ban users from uploading videos that incite violence or teach violent activities, like bomb making. What do...
Also tagged: terrorism, internet, american voices
The Onion - Sep 11, 2008
NEW YORK—Faced with several tough factors, the nation has once again been hit hard, sources reported Tuesday. "It is unclear whether the...
Also tagged: cancer, energy, environment, economy, news in brief
The Onion - Sep 2, 2008
WASHINGTON—In a solemn ceremony held in the White House Rose Garden Monday, recently outed Iraq War casualty Sgt. Maj. Michael...
Also tagged: military, news in brief, gay and lesbian
The Onion - Aug 27, 2008
The people of America need to put aside their differences and come together on common ground. Especially at this crucial moment in our history....
Also tagged: politics, culture, opinion, race, human interest
The Onion - Jul 4, 2008
NORFOLK, VA—In what has been dubbed the most "devastating and brutal siege in the history of animal-rights activism," an elite, paramilitary squad of commandos from People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals (PETA) …
Also tagged: news, environment
The Onion - Jul 4, 2008
WASHINGTON, DC—A report released by the Union of Concerned Dietitians stated that not only will the temperature of coffee increase by nearly...
Also tagged: health, food, trends, news in brief
The Onion - Jul 3, 2008
WASHINGTON, DC???A study released Monday by the American Public Transportation Association reveals that 98 percent of Americans support the use of mass transit by others.
Also tagged: news, trends, public transportation