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The Onion - Oct 3, 2008
WINNETKA, IL—The iPhone was found lying face down on the dashboard showing no signs of life, but after a tense few seconds, officers were able to wake it.
Also tagged: technology, news, apple, crime, police
The Onion - Sep 26, 2008
NASHVILLE, TN—After months of futile entreaties to upgrade to its latest version, web browser Internet Explorer made a last-ditch proposal...
Also tagged: technology, news in brief
The Onion - Sep 15, 2008
Pharmaceutical company Allergan says its paralysis-inducing wrinkle preventer Botox works as a treatment for chronic migraines. What do you...
Also tagged: health, women, american voices
The Onion - Sep 10, 2008
Well this sucks. I leave the realm of the living to roam the underworld for a few thousand years, return to my burial place to enjoy all my...
The Onion - Sep 9, 2008
EUREKA, CA—Armed with nothing more than four-inch claws, razor-sharp teeth, and a 5.4-meter vertical leap, the lion defensively lunged at the adult male hiker.
The Onion - Sep 8, 2008
German and Czech researchers have discovered that cows tend to align themselves in a north-south direction when grazing or resting. What do...
Also tagged: animals, american voices
The Onion - Sep 5, 2008
DAYTON, TN—"I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits," said one Darwinic pilgrim.
The Onion - Sep 5, 2008
British researchers found that patients who chewed gum after undergoing colon surgery had bowel movements sooner than those who did not. What do...
Also tagged: health, cancer, american voices
The Onion - Sep 4, 2008
ROANOKE, VA—The media-dubbed "Roanoke miracle dog," who goes only by the name "Ginger," has seven brand-new reasons to be overjoyed after...
Also tagged: animals, dogs, news in brief
The Onion - Sep 4, 2008
A literature review by the American Psychological Association states that women who have an abortion are not at greater risk for developing...
Also tagged: health, women, american voices