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The Onion - Sep 15, 2008
OLYMPIA, WA—"Read a book, write a letter, go to a museum," Ian Schiller advised through a yawn, still visibly fatigued from his onanistic excess.
Also tagged: news, local, human interest
The Onion - Sep 14, 2008
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Also tagged: religion, children, teens, onion radio news, parents
The Onion - Aug 15, 2008
A University of Iowa professor is accused of fondling students in exchange for higher grades. What do you think?
Also tagged: education, college, american voices
The Onion - Jul 7, 2008
LANCASTER, PA—The probable Mediterranean sex god who relayed the message rolled his R's in a manner that suggested he could outperform you sexually.
Also tagged: relationships, women, news, local, couples
The Onion - Jul 4, 2008
VATICAN CITY—The Vatican has released a strict new set of Church laws intended to reduce the nocturnal emissions of teenage polluters by 50 percent in the next decade, Cardinal Antoni Bertoli announced Monday.
Also tagged: news, children, christianity, teenagers, pope
The Onion - Jun 26, 2008
ATLANTA—A Craigslist personal advertising a "Hot WM Looking 4 Same — 28" was accidentally responded to this Monday by its author,...
Also tagged: relationships, internet, people, news in brief
The Onion - Jun 25, 2008
Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them …
Also tagged: opinion, human interest, gay and lesbian
The Onion - Jun 23, 2008
MINNEAPOLIS—During an anniversary get-together at their apartment Monday, Matthew Ledger and Dale Robertson told the story of their first meeting to a curious friend, omitting key details that took place in the men's …
Also tagged: news in brief, gay and lesbian
The Onion - Jun 23, 2008
WELLESLEY, MA—Responding to widespread protests, Wellesley College is withdrawing the phrase "Hot All-Girl Action" from its recruitment brochures, spokespersons for the prestigious women's college announced Monday …
Also tagged: education, women, college, news in brief, gay and lesbian
The Onion - Jun 21, 2008
LANCASTER, PA—The probable Mediterranean sex god who relayed the message rolled his R's in a manner that suggested he could outperform you sexually.
Also tagged: relationships, women, news, local, couples